it seems like a lifetime

two and half months now have passed since i moved up and out of holland for the city, for a school, work, a life different in so many ways than what i had known all my life.

these two and a half months have been full of new experiences, old friends, new relationships, family visits, thai food, walks along the lake, God, the green city market, dates, spanish tapas, girls nights, bike rides, the cta, books, indie concerts, consignment shopping, thinking, relaxing, stressing, sleeping -- basically a little bit of everything.

for the first time in 17 years the end of august meant a different kind of "back to school". for the first time in what seems a lifetime i didn't return to the scholastic world of class attending and homework doing. this year, although i live with a student, walk through a college campus on the way to work, and then spend 5 out of 7 days a week working in a school -- i am not going to school in the same way that i have always known.

some days i miss it. i miss the classroom, the challenge, the stress, the teachers and classmates. some days i think i will be ready return to that world in a couple years. other days i am so thankful to not have homework. many days i see the beauty of having learned something and have put my mind to a different kind of challenge. that i have put my head and heart to work for something i believe in. while new jobs certainly bring a whole load of stress and so many tasks at hand can seem daunting, it truly is good to move on from one way of life and start another.

somewhat unrelated -- one thing i have enjoyed about school is to not have required reading. not that i don't like to read but it has been great to be able to read books as i choose and as i have time. reading has been one thing that i have made time for living in the city. in this way, public transportation is a beautiful thing. while i spend a good hour and half on the train every day, this opens up a huge amount of time for reading and listening to music. on friday i finished a Rosie a work of fiction by anne lamott. i had been recommended this author by several friends whose literary advice i appreciated greatly. Sometimes finishing a book can be bittersweet -- an ending that you've waited to get to but at the same time you want the story to go on forever. This ending wasn't like that. It was conclusive but not cliche. It satisfied my desire for a happy ending without me needing more. Here is a snippet from a conversation from the epilogue:

although the room reeked of miracles, she couldn't bring herself to fall for 'God.'
'God is just a word,' said James. 'It means truth, and you know, the truth shall set you free.'
'yeah?'
'To face and tell and love the truth is what they mean by "God."'
'What they mean,' said Rae, 'is love. Don't let the word get in your way. It's just a convenience. All that God means is love, God is love and love is God.'

I liked this. Partially because of the way Rae puts it -- like it's so simple. Maybe it should be that simple. God and love are two things I have been surrounded by my entire life -- ironically these are two things I still understand so little about. Maybe it's not as simple as Rae puts it or maybe it is. Maybe I'm just looking at these two things in a way -- from a place -- that I have never been before.